Understanding Body Language Could Be the Most Effective Tool You Learn This Year
Picture yourself attending a meeting at work in which someone is giving a presentation. You start out paying attention, but soon find your mind drifting and you have difficulty keeping your attention. As you look around, you can see that others are feeling the same way. Some sit slumped with their heads downcast. Others are staring off into space or gazing at their coffee cups. They fidget, pick at their clothes, fiddle with their phones and pens — some are even doodling. The next time you find yourself in this scenario (and it will inevitably happen) turn your attention to the speaker themselves. Are they slouching, or are their hands in their pockets? Are their arms stiff at their sides, maybe clenched into fists? Have they hunched themselves forward, shoulders rounded and staring down at their paper rather than making eye contact with those around them?
In this scenario, both the audience and their presenter have given you examples of the power of body language. The audience is clearly indicating that they are struggling to remain concentrated on what information is being given, and the presenter is doing a poor job of engaging by projecting disinterest and insecurity. The good news is, the audience losing interest does not have to mean the speaker’s presentation is doomed. If he had an understanding of nonverbal communication, he could pick up on the cues his audience is giving him and begin to lean slightly forward while he was speaking. This action suggests that they are taking them into their confidence, and will help to regain their attention. In the future, he can learn from his errors and practice a more engaging and dynamic way of presenting, using body language to prevent people from becoming disinterested in the future.
What is body language?
Although it may seem self-explanatory, to properly utilize body language one must fully understand what it entails. Body language is a number of nonverbal cues or signs in communication such as body movements, but also includes facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures. Having the ability to read these signs is an important aspect of effective communication; body language helps us understand and decode what we are saying to each other. As I’m sure every person has encountered at some point in their life, what people say verbally is not always how they truly feel, and body language helps us interpret other peoples’ moods and emotions. When we are conscious of others’ (and our own) body language, it enhances our understanding of peoples’ reactions to what we say and how we say it.
According to the seminal study conducted by body language expert Albert Mehrabian, words, body language and tone of voice account for 7, 55 and 38 percent of effective communication respectively. That means that in total, 90 percent of effective communication comes from our body language and the tone of our voice more than the actual words we are saying. Think about the stereotypical image of the cavemen grunting to each other. While researchers have long debated when exactly humans began talking to each other, it is certain that for a very long time, body language was the primary way in which we communicated. Even though today we have verbal language which has vastly broadened the way we communicate with each other, that history of using visual cues to determine what a person is trying to say remains.
Types of body language
Nonverbal communication can be broken down into a number of different types. These include:
Facial expressions. The muscles within the human face evolved to help us communicate our emotions to each other, and as a result it is an extremely expressive tool able to convey countless emotions without saying a word. Some forms of nonverbal communication such as gestures can vary by region or culture, but facial expressions are universal. No matter where you are in the world, the facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear and disgust are the same.
Body movement and posture. This type of nonverbal communication is probably one of those that is most commonly thought of. It includes your posture, bearing, stance and the subtle movements you make when you are in motion — yes even simply the way you move about the world can communicate a wealth of information to those around you. Think about how your perception of someone can shift drastically just by how they sit, walk, stand or hold their head.
Gestures. Gestures are important cultural tools that have been developed to allow for better nonverbal communication. Pointing, waving or beckoning someone over to you are all ways in which you can communicate with someone without ever saying a word, and even the way you use your hands when speaking can indicate whether you are excited or agitated by the topic of conversation. However, it is important to remember that gestures are not always universal. While the “thumbs up” gesture is a positive one in most Western cultures, in some Middle Eastern countries it is a terrible insult.
Eye contact. One of the most subtle but effective ways you can nonverbally communicate with someone is through eye contact. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and the way you look at someone can not only show you are interested in what they are trying to say, but also communicate affection, hostility or even attraction. When it comes to active listening, eye contact is an essential way to communicate to the person talking that you are understanding and engaged in what they are telling you, and can also help you develop more thoughtful responses.
Touch. As the recent coronavirus pandemic has made all the more clear to us, we as humans communicate a great deal through touch. The “elbow bump” of 2020 was a strong indication that we often desire to touch when greeting each other, whether that be from a firm handshake or a bear hug. Conversely, a flimsy handshake or tentative hug can indicate some level of discomfort.
Space. Like gestures, the amount of space a person needs can be dependent on the culture in which they were raised, but there can also be personal preferences as well. We all have different needs for physical space, and it can also be very dependent on the situation and closeness of the relationship. Physical space can be utilized to communicate nonverbally many different messages, including intimacy, affection, aggression and dominance.
Tone. “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.” While speaking may be verbal communication, your tone is certainly nonverbal, and people will read into your voice in addition to listening to your words. Think about how your voice inevitably speeds up when you are feeling nervous, and may get a higher pitch to it. If you’ve ever tried to convey sarcasm over text, then you understand how important tone can be.
How to improve your understanding of body language
If you give a hungry man a fish, you feed him for a day, but if you teach him how to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. While one could certainly tell you to simply stand up straighter and keep your hands out of your pockets, and you would present a more confident image, it is better to learn the deeper tools for understanding body language. In that way, you are truly learning to communicate better, not just present yourself as you desire to be seen. By becoming strong in nonverbal communication, you can both read others and ensure that you are conveying what you wish effectively.
First, you must learn to manage your stress in the moment. Stress compromises your ability to communicate — think about the last time you lashed out and said something rash because you were feeling agitated. Stressing out can cause you to not only misread what other people are trying to say, but also put out confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals yourself. By taking a moment to pull yourself out of a reactionary state, you can regain your emotional equilibrium and maintain better control of your nonverbal communication. By avoiding unhealthy knee-jerk reactions, you can also make sure that your mind is clear and able to notice and interpret others’ body language.
Once you have taken away your reactionary behaviors to stress, you can work on further developing your emotional intelligence. Many of us have been taught to try and shut off our feelings, and as a result have become quite disconnected from our emotions. However, it is important to remember that just because you are repressing these feelings does not mean that they’ve gone away. By working on your emotional intelligence, you can not only better recognize the emotions of others, but also understand your own true feelings, and why you may be putting your hands in the pocket in the first place.
